Forgiveness

Forgiveness is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do. How do you forgive someone for damn near ruining your life? How do you forgive someone who has physically, mentally, and sexually abused you? How do you forgive someone who won’t apologize, or at the very little has given a fake, superficial apology?

I don’t really have an answer for YOU. Forgiveness is difficult. Forgiveness for me took YEARS. I forgave my ex-husband three years ago for what he did to me 24 years ago. My daughter’s father, I am still angry and have not mustered the strength to forgive him fully yet. The brain injuries were the worst and hardest to forgive because those physical injuries took so much away from me. It is difficult for me to draw now and I suffer from intense physical pain. But I am making progress

I have completely forgiven my ex-husband, we speak occasionally as we do have a son together. My mother is dead and gone for almost 15 years, I have forgiven her, but I am still angry over certain things I have learned in the last 15 years. My daughter’s father though, that anger is still there. I just cannot stop focusing on the permanent damage that was done and what I still continue to go through. But I know to fully heal I do need to forgive him. I know forgiveness and anger are two very different things. Sometimes the anger causes me to not be able to sleep at night. Letting go of the anger and forgiveness are the hardest things in life anyone could ever do.

Being able to have the confidence to tell my story and share my feelings really is a blessing. I am ready for the world to step into my life, to see what I have been through. I have hope that I help just ONE person. Knowing people take inspiration from me is comforting. It is going to move me to forgiveness so my mind can be at peace. For so many years my mind has been a bag of cats, complete chaos. Difficulty with paying attention and completing tasks. I am ready for all of that to end. I just need to say three simple words, I FORGIVE YOU. But I am not ready to so yet…

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.