Don’t be afraid to speak the truth, ever! It took me many years to find my voice and speak out. I was always afraid of embarrassing someone. That is no longer the case. I know for myself, and probably everyone reading this who is a domestic violence survivor, having to live with being abused is shameful. I went to great lengths to hide the abuse from my friends. My family knew, but not my friends. I was embarrassed because I would always hear, “why don’t you just leave,” or “why do you let this keep happening to you?” I didn’t LET anything happen to me. It’s not like he came home and I told him, “I’m going to let you beat my ass today.” Don’t EVER say that to someone. It’s probably the most fucked up thing you could ever say to someone who is being abused by a family member, a friend, a significant other, or anyone. Be there for them, give them a safe place to go when they need to. All you will do is make things worse, a LOT worse.
When I found my voice I was no longer embarrassed. I learned it is okay to speak about your abuser to others and actually tell their name. After all, what they did to me was not my fault and I now realize I have nothing to feel embarrassed about. I have learned when you finally do speak the truth, you finally tell your friends and family, “hey you know what, [John Doe] is abusing me, this is what happened,” the abuser gets very angry. You hear things like, “that is no one’s business,” “why did you tell someone I beat your ass,” why did you this, why did you that. It’s like you want to scream at them OWN YOUR SHIT! Because now it IS real. Now their secret is out. And now they have to answer for what they have done. Bruises do not go away so fast, broken bones either. “How did you get that black eye?” When tell someone [John Doe] punched me in the face, a whole new ball game opens up. You have gained control over something!!! When you speak about your abuser and you use their name, you now have called them out, you have made their actions a reality. They now have to own their shit. And now YOU have power.
Learn to speak the truth, no more excuses for your abuser. Force them to own what they have done. Make it real, not only for them but for you. When you speak up and tell people they can help you. Never be afraid to ask for help. There is help available that is discreet. There are ways to contact others to escape an abusive relationship, no matter the relationship. But the first step to getting help is wanting a change, the second step is getting help. You have options even though you may feel like there are none. Remember, “no one is hated more than he who speaks the truth.”
“No one is hated more than he who speaks the truth.”
-Plato
Surviving Domestic Violence 