For the last 3 years I’ve felt lost, like something is missing, something I can’t find. I feel Empty and cold at times. It’s a sickening feeling knowing that there’s something out there, something I cannot find. I keep searching down dark roads. The dark roads are never ending. The dark roads are filled with emptiness. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel like I need to say fuck it and leave it all behind.
I want to just pack up a single bag and just disafuckingpear. Go somewhere where no one knows me, no one judge me. A place where I can find what I’m looking for. Whatever it is ive been searching for it’s not here.
Could I be searching for something that wasn’t lost in a previous life? Could I be searching for something that occurs in the next life? I just feel like I DON’T BELONG here or anywhere. It’s an awkward feeling, it’s feeling I don’t like having. A feeling where I feel…..LOST.
I need a dramatic change in my life. I need to find what I’m searching for. I put on fake smile and call it a day. I’m ready to leave to another place, to start something new.
“Illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness.”
Arthur Erickson
Surviving Domestic Violence 
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