So, in my previous blog I admitted at the age of 15 I had a substance problem with Soma muscle relaxers and alcohol. I began popping one to two at a time. Over the course of six months it grew to five or six at a time. I couldn’t tell you what the milligram strength was as it was 32 years ago and I just don’t recall. I just took them. I didn’t care how strong they were. All I cared about at the time was getting fucked up. I mean why not right? Didn’t feel like putting up with my mother’s bullshit every weekend. She was drunk as fuck all the time. Like every night. Yelling at me, my dad or my brother. She would be perfectly fine one moment and then the next fists were flying as well as some choice, hurtful words out of her mouth.

I would take the pills on the weekend so I could sleep ALL DAMN DAY. I mean if I was sleeping she wasn’t fucking with me and I didn’t have to hear her mouth. All day. So I would just sleep all day and watch Mtv all night. By the time I came out of room and was stirring around she was already pretty much over intoxicated and had no energy to fight or she was sleeping, whew!

The first time I got drunk, I mean slobbering shit faced DRUNK, I was 15. I went to a friend’s house, my mom dropped me off there. It was a boys house. Like ok wtf? I would never drop my teenage daughter off at a boys house at night in the fucking dark. You probably wouldn’t either would you? We were hanging out in a run down barn like structure right next to his house. Drinking and drinking. Tried to have sex but that was an epic fail, I still laugh at that one. so I maintained my virginity for another 2 years. thank goodness! well I ended up drinking an entire large bottle of grape Mad Dog 2020. Omg to this day, I was so drunk, I SEE a bottle of that shit, or think about it like this moment, and a feel nauseous. Somehow I managed to get dropped off in the street in front of my house. Don’t remember how I got there. I think my friend’s mother took me home. One of the neighborhood guys met me at the road. He started groping and fondling me. I started screaming at him “leave me the fuck alone or I’ll scream.” Well I had screamed loud enough to get the attention of a friend in the neighborhood. He was good friend. He pushed the guy off of me. He could tell I was drunk. He was laughing at me being drunk, hell I would laugh too! He ended up putting me in bed at his home and let me sleep it off. I believe he saved me from getting raped that night by a grown ass man who was like 20 or so.

But as I got closer to age 16 I figured out a way to manipulate her into buying me booze! Boy once I figured that out it was game on, yeah buddy! She would hide her damn beer, cases and cases, in my closet and my brother’s closet and tell me, “don’t tell William.” William was my step-father. A good man who put up with a LOT of shit from her. So I would be like, nuh-uh, you can buy me that bottle of Jack Daniels, I preferred the green label Jack (drinking it straight out of the bottle), or Cisco, or wine coolers, whatever I wanted that weekend. So yeah, I had SUPER EASY access to booze via bribery and extortion. Solved that problem.

So not we come to the night when I had an overdose. It was either right before I was 16 or after I just turned 16. Man that night was crazy and only remember three things from that night. The first thing I remember is grabbing EIGHT Soma. I took them one at a time laughing at how many I was taking. I didn’t really care if I lived or died really. I mean, I wasn’t trying to intentionally kill myself but if I did in the process oh well. Shit happens. So when I swallowed the eighth pill I threw up. Oh man did I throw up! Guess my liver said fuck you buddy not tonight. No bitch is dying on my watch. I guess puking up the last pill was in the fates for me not to die that night. I’m an atheist but I do believe in fate and everything happens for a reason. And I believe that reason is you reading my blog and my stories.

The second and third thing I remember from that night, in no particular order because shit I don’t remember, is my mother trying to pull me into the window and her riding me around in her car. I remember her screaming at me, “WHAT DID YOU TAKE?!” She kept yelling it at me. I was in the back seat trying to climb in the front seat. I was definitely out of control. My mother didn’t even take me to the hospital. Mind you, she was an licensed practical nurse (LPN) so she obviously knew I was fucked up on something. That is all I remember from that night. I don’t understand why she didn’t take me to the ER. Was she scared she was going to go to jail and the police and child welfare services would show up and find out about her alcoholism and how she contributed to my addiction? Probably. Highly probable.

That was the last night I ever abused prescription pills INTENTIONALLY. I did develop an affinity for alcohol however. I drank mostly whiskey. I was introduced to 7 and 7 when I was 17. Something with the number, I don’t know. At 17 I started drinking occasionally at school. I was a senior in high school. My friend and I had brought a thermos of orange juice and vodka to school. We drank the entire thermos. We were semi-intoxicated. Not drunk enough to draw attention, but tipsy enough to laugh at everything. Teachers must’ve thought we were extra special that day.

Alcohol helped me deal with a lot that no teenager should ever have to go through. Having an alcoholic mother DEFINITELY contributed to my drinking problem because she helped me obtain it.

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